If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
