The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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