I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
