I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
