I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
