I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
