I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
