i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
