I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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