My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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