I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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