Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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