I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
