You really coming over, don't trick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
