no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
