just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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