Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
