Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
