allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
