i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The best revenge is premature balding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
