I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
