my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
