OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
4 words: hood of his car
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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