Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
