He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the day after is always just damage control
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
