While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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