my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
