i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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