mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
