we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I deserve this hangover.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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