i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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