Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
