She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
