I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
