i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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