from now on my penis is your penis
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
