she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
