Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
