ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
