so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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