I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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