Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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