My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
