I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
