Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
