I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
