i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
