k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
zippers are such a cool invention
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
