wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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