A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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