I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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